WMQ Humor

Resurrecting something I wrote back in 2003 over a lunch break:

MQ Message pick-up lines…

Your queue or mine?
What’s your sign-bit?
Is that a COA in your message descriptor, or are you just glad to see me?
What’s a message like you doing in a queue like this?
You look like you’ve got a good message header on your shoulders.
With your payload and my routing information, we could really go places!
Is this buffer taken?
You remind me of my first QMgr.
You make my HBINT go wild!
Does this channel go all the way to Chicago?
I must have expired because I’m looking at an angel!
Your message segments are in all the right places!
I’ll bet our code pages are compatible.
Don’t tell anyone, but I’m a message channel secret-agent.
Wanna be in my cluster?

MQ Message rejections…

I’m GET Disabled.
I could never commit to a message like you.
Come back when you have a higher priority.
Not even if you were the last message in the queue!
Your backout-count is showing.
I’m in a proprietary format and you could never parse me.
You are a Dead Letter entry waiting to happen.
Locked by another process.
Don’t let the message exit hit you on the ass on the way out!
You sure are persistent, aren’t you?
User-defined format? Right! Like I haven’t heard THAT before!
You’re ASCII and I’m EBCDIC. It would never work out.
You’ve expired and don’t even know it.
Sorry, no available BROWSE handles.
You’ve obviously mistaken me for an event message.
GET WAIT forever, buddy!

MQ Message Sour Grapes…

It was probably a poison message anyway.
That “Rules and Format Header” should’ve been my first clue.
Every time I meet a really nice message, it’s addressed to a remote node.
Messages. Give ’em a K and they’ll take a MB.
Ok, new rule – never date a message from a queue-sharing group!
Well, I didn’t really want to convert just for the relationship.
Never trust a message with an alias queue name.
That other message was probably going to expire soon anyway.
That’s the last time I’ll ever bare my context information over a drink!
More like a hair-trigger message if you ask me!
Momma told me never to mix with MSMQ messages.
That message was too old a version for me anyway.
I guess we’ll always be in different units of work.
Seems like and the really good messages are under syncpoint.
Ok, that’s it. I’m giving up message affinities altogether!

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2 Responses to WMQ Humor

  1. George Carey says:

    Some of these subtlely hilarious for the MQ crowd.

    One needs to be an MQ Geek … yet not a nerd to write these, a good combo!


  2. Its very awesome and playful.

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